Who doesn't want to belong? But is fitting in the same as belonging? Can you have one without the other? Is there a tangible way to belong?

I've written a lot about Brené Brown and her focus on courage, shame, empathy, and vulnerability. Over the past decade, Brown has emerged as a leading social scientist and bestselling author who truly speaks for a generation of people, in particular a generation of women. In Brown's most recent book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, gives readers multiple points of access to improving their relationship with themselves and with each other.

In a previous book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown explains that there is a big difference between belonging and fitting in. Actually, they are polar opposites. When you belong, you bring yourself to the situation. When you fit in, you acclimate to the situation instead of being your authentic self. In other words, she explains, "The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess."

In her recent book, Brown points out that those who feel like they truly belong have the courage to stand alone. In other words, when we feel that we can be authentically ourselves even within a group, then we can be brave and stand up for what we believe in. She uses the acronym BRAVING for how we can learn to truly belong and therefore have the courage to stand alone.

There are seven elements of BRAVING, or learning to create connections in which you truly belong and can bring your whole self to the relationship:

According to Brown, shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame is often confused with guilt and humiliation. While guilt focuses on what we've done (as opposed to what we would have liked to have done), shame focuses on who we are. You might feel guilty that you cheated on your diet, but you feel shame if you experience yourself as a cheater. Humiliation is another word that is often confused with shame. When you are publicly called out about an action that you took, you feel humiliated if you believe that the person who rebuked you was inappropriate. Conversely, you feel ashamed if you believe that you deserve that rebuke.

In other words, shame is an emotion that imprisons you - labels you as "bad," "stupid," "fat," and traps you into believing that these are correct assessments of your worth.

Women have a particularly difficult time with shame because there are different (often stricter) societal expectations for women as mothers, fashion figures, and careerists. Therefore, it's really important to recognize the negative effects of shame on your life and to transform yourself in an effort to control it.