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People With Serious Commitment Issues Show These 27 Signs Early And Often

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People With Serious Commitment Issues Show These 27 Signs Early And Often

Due to negative experiences and beliefs (or sometimes a personality disorder), anyone can suffer from commitment issues. People with commitment issues may be full of fear, experiencing a near-constant state of emotional conflict caused by their negative, often irrational beliefs about love and relationships.

In relationships, they may create significant confusion, havoc, pain, and anguish as their behaviors are often insensitive, unpredictable, and bizarre. If you think someone you're dating has commitment issues, even if that person is you, there are certain behaviors you can watch out for.

There's often an excuse that they haven't met The One, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down, as they can have children at any age. A well-used -- if not overused -- word is "someday."

RDNE Stock project / Pexels

Or, if they have been in a long-term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity. In a 2019 study, researchers explained that "perceiving oneself as having more potential alternative partners was associated with increased odds of being the less committed partner in an asymmetrically committed relationship (ACR) compared to not being in an ACR, as was being more attachment avoidant, having more prior relationship partners, and having a history of during the present relationship."'

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They are often attracted to long-distance relationships and busy, independent individuals for this reason.

They say and do all the right things, and can be very romantic snake charmers. They are very good at selling you on the idea that they will live up to all the ideal characteristics and promises you're looking for in a partner just to get their own needs met.

In reality, they have no intention of holding up their end of the bargain, and have very little concern for your feelings, as they are continually operating from hidden agendas.

They can't decide to give totally to the relationship, but they can't commit to walking away, either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for their partner when they don't see them, but they want to run away as soon as they become involved again.

This may happen after one night, one week, one month, three months, or even one year. They may start sabotaging the relationship when it comes time for conversations about big life decisions, such as moving in together.

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And when their partners finally have enough and threaten to leave the relationship, they may make promises to change.

For example, they may be much older, much younger, married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships. In a recent study on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), researchers noted that the couples in which one person met the criteria for BPD "showed lower marital satisfaction, higher attachment insecurity, more demand/withdrawal communication problems, and higher levels of violence."

They don't want to connect with coworkers, be tied down to one job for too long, and likely seek positions with plenty of traveling and little to no supervision.

Alex Green / Pexels

They don't see their partner so much as their equal as they do an accessory in their life. Once their partner has expectations or wants more from them (no matter how perfectly reasonable it is), they don't just feel bound by restrictions -- they feel bound to them.

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They can create wonderful excuses for why their partner shouldn't meet these people, especially because they don't want any of these people to form connections with each other. This would make it harder to suddenly detach from someone in any of these groups because they've become incorporated and established into what could become an overall community of people in this person's life.

They essentially play mind games while trying to find the panic button and eject from the whole situation.

Sometimes, they may even feel mixed up internally to some extent and they'd much rather put you at fault than take accountability for their acts and emotions.

They can also blame it on work fatigue, illness, or anything else that sounds plausible. In research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, researchers studied several couples where one partner met the criteria for BPD.

They can be hard to contact and are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely.

Timur Weber / Pexels

They always want to keep their partner at arm's length and doing this helps them maintain that barrier of distance. It also keeps their partner from knowing more about them, their whereabouts, and who else they might be spending time with.

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They're called "commitments" for a reason!

To some, buying a car can be as big a decision as deciding to get married. It can be all too much for them, as they don't want to feel stuck with anything.

They may even live with their parents or couch-surf at friends' places so they aren't tied to a lease in any one specific location, and they may have no desire to change their situation.

Even if have their own home, it exudes the feeling that they want to be alone. It isn't welcoming to the outside world because it's a reflection of how they don't want to welcome anyone into their hearts for very long.

They are like this with family and friends, as well.

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To avoid spending time with a potential (or existing) partner, they have two of the ultimate excuses for obligations they can't get out of.

If they do, they usually only give little pieces of their soul in well-planned installments, except if they are having an affair. Affairs are perfect for people with commitment issues, as they feel completely safe to disclose, as well as to pursue the chase.

They have the convenient excuse that commitment isn't an option while they are already in another relationship.

They can use this as an excuse to keep a potential romantic partner at bay. This also helps them to feel safe from the possibility of ever getting married again.

They become argumentative and perhaps even abusive, or they go to great effort to create distance. A lot of relationship-sabotaging behaviors surface (e.g., working long hours, taking on extra projects, not calling or picking up, being late, finding fault with the other person for no particular reason).

The National Institute of Mental Health defines BPD as "a mental illness that severely impacts a person's ability to regulate their emotions" and is also characterized by "a pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones."

Love doesn't scare them; rather, it's what love represents to them that scares them. This is usually due to their negative belief system about love and relationships.

RDNE Stock project / Pexels

This is because they want the other person to end the relationship, as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.

Sometimes, the root of the commitment issues is especially serious and needs to be addressed by a mental health professional.

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